Fibro Flare

What a person with fibromyalgia looks like:

What she feels like:

Thoughts on Turning 50

My birthday was four days ago 
and it took me that long to recover!

The truth is, I've been playing too much Kakuro on the computer, and I'm really tired too, in spite of trying to go to bed earlier--Which I am partially succeeding at.

It's kind of sad to realize I am 50 years old and I feel like I've never really improved in so many areas, not just fitness. It's been a few days of soul-searching.

I decided I can still have some fun, and keep working on those bad habits.  Today we took a walk for our exercise. At the end, I decided to make a snow angel on our lawn.  I haven't done that for a long time. I usually just avoid the snow.

Here I am, getting ready to fall. 

It was hard to trust myself and let go.

I didn't go down easy, more like a tree.

I might have heard someone shout "Timber!"

Here I am spreading my wings to fly.

I forgot to spread my legs too so my angel has a skinny gown.

I had to really dig my heels in to get up.

Anthony had to pull me up with both hands. 

I think my angel making days are behind me.

And now I hurt. My back hurts and I ache all over. I already did; I've been having a fibromyalgia flare, only now it is worse.  I had been doing so well at no treats, maybe too well, because a tiny little slip has me in pain. That's one way to completely lose any craving for sugar.  It is just not worth the constant ache it creates for me.

Juan Moore and The Birthday

Well, I had the big 5-0 Birthday.  

I'll talk about being 50 another day.

For my birthday, I take care of myself. Anything else is a lovely surprise. If I want a cake, I bake it. This year I didn't. Didn't want it, didn't bake it. What I did do for myself was go to the doctor and get my lab results to get my thyroid medicine adjusted. Then I took my husband to lunch.  We enjoyed a nice lunch out, and then it was back to work for both of us.

In the evening, I paid bills awhile, timing it so we could watch a movie and end by 10:00, at which point I would start getting ready for bed. Since I putter a bit, this usually gets me into bed by 11:00. In the middle of bill-paying my husband came in with a dozen red roses and a couple of other small gifts. That was very nice.

At some point in the evening I checked Facebook and was pleasantly surprised at how many people posted a happy birthday wish for me.  My sister sent me an Amazon gift card. That was an extra surprise. Two of my sons posted birthday wishes, one of them calling me an "awesome mom."  Another little gift.

What I didn't count on was Juan Moore.The phone started ringing, and I talked well past bedtime. It was just
Juan Moore phone call, followed by another. I still need to call my sister and daughter-in-law. But I am happy with Juan Moore just this once.  Those loving phone calls from family members gave me several very pleasant birthday surprises. I'll forgive my jester, at least Juan Moore time, since it's a special day.

Juan Moore and the Night Owl

For as long as I can remember

I have been a "night owl."

If you're a lark, you just won't get it.

I like to stay up late at night.

Not doing anything important.

Just goofing off, doing whatever.

The day is done. I am tired. Self-discipline went down with the sun. Its not that I am doing anything important enough to stay up for.  It's just Juan Moore who causes the problem.

There's always just one more computer game, just one more Facebook check, just one more snack as I take my pills, just one more chapter of the book.
 

Sometimes Juan Moore is actually useful. Just one more seam to sew. Just one more bill to pay, receipt to enter, load of laundry to fold, blog to post. But usually it's just one more hour. And that turns into two. Before I know it, it is midnight or one o'clock in the morning.

Weirdly enough, I do this even when I'm exhausted. I push myself to stay up. That seems like really dumb behavior. I'm ready to fall asleep and my eyes and throat hurt, yet I still stay up.

I don't know how to break this habit, because when I do go to bed earlier, I toss and turn. But at least I'm resting, laying down listening to classical music, or a book on CD if I get desperate. 

Maybe I'm afraid I'll miss something. I always hated to go to bed before the family. I like to be in on things. My family always had something interesting going on.  Still, at this stage of life, what's to miss? My lark husband is usually in bed by 10 o'clock, and up bright and early.

What I'm really missing is morning.  One day, for no explainable reason, I woke really early and saw the sunrise and I felt really good. Most days, I am dragging myself out of bed, hitting that snooze alarm, and it takes me hours to get past sluggish state and get anything done. And then it's time to go to work and my day is used up by the time I get home.

This is a big monster for me to beat. Juan Moore is a nuisance, a time waster, a royal pain. He's a jester. Yet I keep him in my life, not knowing how to kick him out.  Even now I am thinking about Juan Moore Kakuro puzzle... 

If I exercise right now, I'll surely be awake for hours, but a puzzle just takes a little while. That's the thinking problem here. Ugh! I see it! Juan Moore, you're ugly!

Monster Computer

 

I have an addiction.

I am addicted to the computer.

Facebook,

email, 

blogs,

Sudoku,

Kakuro...

that computer just reaches out its tentacles and grabs for me every time I walk into the room.  It lures me like a siren. It mocks me. It traps me. It promises all kinds of fun and games, and then delivers hours of wasted time.

I made a new rule:

Computer stays off until my daily goals are met!

But somehow Wednesday the monster took over.

I pushed that little button and it lit up all blue and happy for me and I was lost for a couple of hours.

I did not work out.

Sadness.

But yesterday I won.

And today I won.

But that's why I didn't post for a couple of days.

I was leaving the computer off

and then it was late.

and it's late now.

so goodnight.

Happy after

yoga yesterday

1 mile today!

Introducing the Fitness Fairies

What do Monster Ducks and 

out of shape people have in common?

They waddle!  

And they get fat

in places normal ducks

and normal people don't,

like their bellies and legs!

However, flying to the rescue...

the Fitness Fairies!  

They are here to fight the Monsters,

starting with Monster Duck!

I was walking down the hall at work today, and I suddenly felt very professional. I paused in my thoughts to analyze just what was different. 

I was walking, not waddling! 

After only one week back on the program, I feel lighter. And slimmer.  And that is incentive right there. And so I came home and cheerfully walked a brisk mile.

The fitness fairies are butterfly fairies.

They are good fairies.

They are here to help me in my goal:

METAMORPHOSIS!

After the Storm

I mentioned on Saturday that I had a killer headache. 

Well, it continued on through Sunday, finally beginning to abate by evening. I woke up exhausted today.  It was all I could do to get on my feet.  I felt like all the life had been sucked out of me.

I dragged myself into the shower, through breakfast, and over to work. I had a light schedule today, only one student for an hour, so that was okay.  I got home and slept for a while, talked with  my son on the phone, and finally decided I'd better get moving.

My replacement Leslie Sansone video had arrived, so I popped it in.  It turned out to be mostly light resistance exercises, simple weights and floor movements, about a 35-minute workout. That counts for 2 miles. So, once again I made it.

I figure if high blood pressure can cause headaches, though I don't know how it works, I better keep working and get that blood pressure back down.

I've had a couple of new visitors lately; I appreciate your comments as well as those of my loyal supportive followers.  You give me a boost and incentive to keep going, and to keep posting--it's a positive cycle--not at all like the negative spin cycle depicted above!

Sunday Peace

God created the world in six days

and the seventh day he rested.

Sunday is a day of rest at my house.

A day to ponder.

A day to worship.

A day to serve others.

A day for gratitude.

A day for a nap.

And not a day for exercise.

Except what happens incidentally

or an occasional walk 

with my husband,

to walk and talk 

and build our

marriage.

Sneaky Saturday

Saturday is a special day.

It's the day we get ready for Sunday--

And go out on dates

participate in church activities, 

decorate Christmas trees,

do a little shopping, 

and have friends over.

It's also a high-demand day at my tutoring job, since many students have Saturday off of work.  Today was the last day of fall break so I didn't have to work.  

We combined date with church activity, which was a nativity display with hundreds of beautiful creches on display. We had friends over and they helped decorate our Christmas tree.  We did a little Christmas shopping in between.

And exercise...well, I decided on Saturdays I will just do a mile, just fit it in somewhere.  Of course, I'm only at a mile right now so today was a normal workout.

So today, after our visitors around 7:30, I took a little nap, because although it was a fun day it was exhausting. But I set a timer for 12 minutes, and then I woke up, and I looked at the pretty Christmas tree, and I asked myself,

"Which is more important, reaching my goal or taking a longer nap?"  I sat there for a very short debate, and then I got up and...

I walked a  mile!

The verse--the first two lines-- is by Rita Robinson, in Children's Songbook, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Monster Headache

HEADACHE.

Bad one.

Persisted through 2 meals.

Persisted through 2 headache pills.

Persisted through homework,

and dishes, 

and laundry,

and journaling,

and scriptures,

and through some bad news.

And then I walked a mile!  

And it went away for a while.

Maybe I should go walk another one.

Nah, I'll just try a different headache pill.

Did you notice that the picture is a hammerhead shark?

Monster #4: Sleeplessness

Sleeplessness.

I tried. 

I went to bed before midnight.

I tossed and turned.

I got up and read a book until  2 a.m.

Which means I then slept until 8, tossed and turned and finally got myself out of bed about 9.  It wasn't a good sleep either. My CPAP mask was bugging me, and I had weird dreams, and it just wasn't restful. I am working on getting that mask replaced but there has been a huge delay.

So I got a late start to the day, and laundry has to be done even though I try to put my goals first.  And then I was so tired that I slept a couple of hours in the day.  Which may result in another sleepless night.  But if it does, I'm okay.  I'll just get out my journal and scriptures and get a head start on tomorrow's goals.  And then I will sleep.

But I walked. 

1 mile with stretchy bands. 

And I feel pretty good.

And after all that, I finished before 6:30 p.m.

Fighting the Monsters: Day 3

The monsters of procrastination,

sleepiness,

lack of motivation,

justification,

laziness...

I fight them every day.

Today I walked one mile.

It felt good.

I picked out a scale on Amazon but I haven't ordered it yet. I haven't had a scale in my house for years, but I decided to get one and put it in the basement where I can ignore it six days out of seven.  I find I am more consistent if I weigh in just once a week and then average out the month.  I don't get as discouraged at little fluctuations that way.