Double Disappointment!

I went to the gym for my weigh-in and I've gained back four pounds! After a week of exercise!
The second disappointment was that I didn't make it all the way through yoga class. I was going strong and then, whoosh, all my energy ran away. Kaput! gone! I didn't even try to force myself to finish; I just rested for several minutes. I lay there prone on the mat until I figured I could at least wiggle my toes and then gradually come back to life. Such is my life right now, but maybe next time will be better.

Mile Marker 5

I just finished mile 5. I could count it as 181 or so, but I am being honest with myself and starting clear over. If I was walking on roads, I'd be about halfway to Salt Lake City.

Church Ball

I decided, about 20 years ago, to play on my church ladies softball team. I don't really like softball, but I would give it one last chance. I don't remember the reasons behind that decision, but I hated the first practice, spending it getting corrected repeatedly by teammates. I never went back; leaving in tears was not a positive outcome for me.

Mom said they were trying to help, but how is public humiliation supposed to help? Not one woman came to me and quietly offered private practice sessions to teach me how to do it. They were probably relieved that such a poor player did not return. Was the game more important than the individual, even to these good women?

Was softball a bad decision for me? Or was it a good decision, to firm up my decision not to waste my time on sports?

Recently my eye doctor confirmed that a minor astigmatism creates poor depth perception for me. Not enough to keep me from driving and seeing large objects, but definitely enough to make a speeding tennis ball or softball turn invisible to me. I did okay at volleyball, kickball, and dodgeball, because the ball is big. I also loved soccer, and maybe that's why I totally enjoyed crab soccer, with its giant ball.

All that time, it was not that I was klutzy and non-athletic, it was a vision problem! I wonder what else in my life I lack the vision to see? What is right in front of me, but I just can't see it due to lack of faith, lack of insight, selfishness or stubbornness? What kind of experience will it take to open my eyes to other things I need to know?

The Irony of Magazines

Did you ever notice how many 'housewife' magazines have weight loss advice but show tantalizing sweets on the cover? I am not picking on any magazine in particular, but this one is typical. "The Best Christmas Ever" and it shows food. Not people helping the homeless, or carolers, or a nativity scene, all of which would help make the best Christmas ever, but goodies!

Below, it says "Eat more, Weigh Less. 20 Fat-Blasting Foods!"
You can bet the frosted cookies shown are not on their list.

Another well-known women's magazine often has skinny-mini models on the front--as if that is realistic! And no, it is not "Shape Magazine!"

Kudos to Better Homes and Gardens, and Real Simple, for using lots of flowers, decor, and other themes.

What I Hate About Being Fat--Exercise programs

Okay, it's not that I hate exercise, though I'm not passionate about it or I would probably be skinny.

I got a magazine that says "Lose 10 lbs. in 30 days!" It's not a pill, it's a walking program. It starts out with 30 minutes brisk walking on a flat surface. I head over to the gym, and I walk a mile, in about 15 minutes, and I am exhausted and sweaty!

Where are the programs that say: "Drive to the gym, because you've got two errands to run along the way. Walk 10 minutes if you can. If not, walk 5 minutes. Go home and take a hot bath and read a book to take your mind off the brownies and the smell of the popcorn your kids made while you were gone."

On a positive note, I lost 3.4 lbs in the last two weeks or so. Not sure how, but I will take it. I went in there just knowing I had finally gone over 200, and lo and behold, I've lost a little. HURRAH!

starting again

Sick or not, aching or not, it's time to start again. Perhaps I'm feeling just enough better to get motivated. Or maybe it's that looming 200!

Better 200 miles than 200 pounds.

So, I walked a mile tonight. It's a start. Again. And I think I will put up a sticker chart and award myself when I reach 5 or 10. What's a good reward? Not food! Perhaps more stickers! I love stickers; seriously, my journal looks more like a scrapbook than a diary.

Get Real!

I recently read Chelsea's blog, Princess in Progress, and she inspired me. I wrote a bunch of comments there. She talked about getting real with the scale and facing facts. I don't want to do that. I just want to magically wake up skinny and stay that way. And healthy, too!